It's late at night. I'm drowsy. My contacts are dry and clouding up, obscuring my vision. So, I paddle to the bathroom, lift the lid and see . . . what I was pretty sure to be several large black rats floating in the toilet. Upon further inspection, this just turned out to be a lot of hair . . . and I have NEVER seen a beard that thick on my roommate. It was just all clumped together, floating around the toilet. I screamed. I grabbed latex gloves and bleach, and flushed and cleaned the everliving daylights out of that toilet. I was still too scared to use it, so I peed in the shower. Who the fuck shaves their manscape into the toilet??? AND! WHY DIDN'T HE FLUSH THAT SHIT? Of all the times he could forget to flush. Of all the things he could forget to flush. Of all the things I ever thought I'd find in a toilet, the entirety of a manscape was not one of them.
Let this be a lesson to all men out there: If you ever have the desire to suddenly shave the entirety of your manscape because you think you're gonna get some tonight, do not shave it into the toilet and leave it there. Proper disposal of your manscape is appreciated.
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Bwahahahahahaa, I'm totally psychic. Poor you.
ReplyDeletePs. you shameless shower squirter, you.
Poor girl! It's quite a funny story from an outsider's prospective, but if I were ever confronted with such a mess floating about in my toilet, I'd forced my roommate to clean the toilet with a toothbrush.
ReplyDelete- Honing (itno)
Dude, maybe he shaved his ass, too. And his happy trail. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm still convinced he tried to shave himself up a new cat.
Jaz! You need to stop suggesting random body parts he could have shaved! I don't want the mental pictures!
ReplyDeleteDo you think it was a request from a lady or he just decided to go for it? ;)
ReplyDelete-Angie